FimFiction Link - Short ID: 78582/the-monster-in-the-twilight
Published: Jan '13 — Nov '13
The Monster in the Twilight is a 99k fic where Twilight lost control of her magic back in her entrance exam to a much greater degree than in the show. Fearing what this may cause, Celestia zaps Twilight to the Everfree. This messes with the young filly's brain, and makes her revert to a feral state of mind.
We then get to view the world from this damaged Twilight’s POV and it is wonderful. It’s similar to how you would expect Twilight to sound, but it’s distorted through a filter of brain damage and child innocence. How she interacts with Ponyville and the creatures of the Everfree paint this very vivid picture of how she has developed over the years.
Slowly, she starts to bond with Apple Bloom, the CMC, Twist, and Featherweight. Yes. There’re six. You know where this is going. Nevertheless, we’re presented a delightful view on a physically and mentally scarred Twilight discovering friendship and having small adventures through the Everfree, all while getting more of Twilight’s wonderful inner monologues.
What’s also nice is that in these chapters we get to see each of the other foals shine and show the Element they represent in a very subtle and organic way. It’s really some of the nicest and comfiest scenes I’ve read.
Not that it’s perfect. There are few things that raise questions. For example, during the years since Twilight appeared in the Everfree, Zecora has been taking care of her often enough that she almost considers Twilight to be her stepdaughter. And still didn’t do anything to help with her scarring, mental problems, or speech problems.
Still, these are just minor grievances on what’s otherwise a great tale of one of the best interpretations of Twilight I’ve seen, as well as excellent characterisation and chemistry between the CMC and the other foals.
And then chapter 18 happens.
From that point onwards, the author starts introducing sideplots and new characters that have little to no pay-off. The problem is so endemic throughout the latter half of the story, that I’m not even going to bother mentioning them. The only thing you have to know is that Trixie became Celestia’s student instead of Twilight.
Fast forward to the end, and we get a final confrontation between the Foal 6 and NMM. Cue some last minute asspulls that would make a mangaka proud and you have Twilight reverting back to her filly form and is also now an alicorn.
Oh, and a changeling who was posing as a guard gets shipped at the last minute with Zecora because he made a rhyme out of nowhere. If reading that felt random and out of nowhere, you now have a good grasp on how it feels to read the latter half of this story.
Even though the plot takes a backseat for a good chunk of the story, it’s still overall good. Which kinda sucks, considering that it could’ve been a great fic. But no. You get good enough, and you better like it.