FimFiction Link - Short ID: 299297/curb-stomped-marble-pie
Published: Nov '15
Ahem. "Curb Stomped Marble Pie" is a one kiloword-long shitpost / slice of life about nuptial habits of the Apple family. There appears to be a fundamental limit similar to Gabor uncertainty on simultaneous raping of characters and the audience: every author has to choose between fleshing out the world and the characters to make their suffering profound, or deliberately fucking everything up to make the readers suffer. This text clearly tries to be of the second kind, but, unfortunately, it sucks at that. Its prose is crude and inconsistent, but somehow not crude or inconsistent enough to infuriate. The pacing feels like some rabid 5d squirrel chewed on the timeline, but someone may easily pretend that it resembles the detached mental state of a broken victim. The female lead is so undercharacterized that she can as well be replaced by a sock filled with fragile chicken bones, old semen and unconvincing sorrow, but, frankly, it's not too far from what Marble is or how she'd act in a stressful situation.
There's even one thing that it does completely right: it's Big Mac's obsessive perfectionism. This beautiful amalgamation of his canonical thoughtful, brooding nature with Applejack's stubborn inflexibility makes a great flaw for him, especially for texts where he plays a dual role as himself and as a representative of his family.
I wouldn't recommend it, neither seriously nor as a cruel joke. It sucks at porn, it sucks at gore, it sucks as a text about family values, and it's too short and not scratchy enough for a good torture for readers. 1/10 for subtle yet profound duality of Big Mac.