FimFiction Link - Short ID: 530883/at-the-bridge-of-equinox
Published: Feb '23
A few things struck me about this fic, the first being that the perspective character doesn't have any personality at all, until suddenly she does, right at the end. I don't count it as a bad thing, it just means that she's extremely transparent as a self-insert narrating perspective. It was just surprising when suddenly she blurted an opinion on something about the cheaters fate.
Also linked to the transparent perspective, the ghosts initially seemed entirely nonthreatening, acting out a "remember us" performance. It seems unlikely that the transition from their performance into their murder attempt was supposed to be sudden. Obviously, I didn't read the source poem.
I didn't dislike the fic, but I can't say I particularly liked it either. I've said before that oneshots aren't stories that I like.
Some nits:
>the Moon hanging like a gigantic disk
disc
>A dark figure, hardly even visible against the Moon’s halo, hovered in the middle of the glowing prism. Yet even from such a distance, Golden could see how her mane burned with raging starfire, causing her armor to shine. Her steely cold eyes radiated the haunting, cold light of a nebula as they surveyed the scene below.
This is too much, specifically the burning mane.
>It is of great luck that We sensed your distress before it was too late.
ESLism. It is fortunate, or greatly fortunate, maybe.