FimFiction Link - Short ID: 549108/touching-the-sun-with-cold-hooves
Published: Jan '24
It's a weird when you find a story where the prose is pleasant, the concept is neat, the author clearly put in effort, and then it ends in little over 1.6k words going nowhere.
I'm on two minds, on one hand I'd really like to praise it. Luna taking a dignified exit during her banishment and instead of becoming NMM, choosing to show Cellie the error of her ways is a promising concept, that could open up a wide variety of potential outcomes. She could convince Sunhorse that yeah, she was egotistical. She could realise that no, she was the one who overstepped and then self-reform. If the two can't reconcile, they could at least still rule side-by-side, only different nations this time. It's a cool idea. And, again, it's delivered in a pleasant way, fancy, but not purple. The way the author describes Luna hopping on the Moon to avoid kicking up dust is the sort of attention to detail I like to see. I also like seeing Luna's method of deciding what species to go with if she's unable to use ponies. It makes sense and the choice, though surprising, is logical for the most part.
On the other hand, as I've said, the story ends after 1.6k words. This whole post will likely be about a third of the entire story. It's not impossible to tell a story in even less words, see the 1k contest, but just like there, you can mostly only convey an idea, not an actual narrative. This is what ultimately punches a hole in this story and why I cannot say that I really liked it. Luna kidnaps a dragon egg (off screen), builds a palace on the Moon (ab)using Cellie's expertise (mostly off screen), the dragon hatches and wants out (again off screen), Luna wants to let her out... and the story is over. It's less than a synopsis because things go nowhere.