FimFiction Link - Short ID: 544190/rainbow-factory-echoes
Published: Oct '23
I enjoyed this story. It teeters between fine and alright. However, I realise the level in which it's alright.
The better Rainbow Factory entries are fun in the way a spooky B movie is fun. The rest are fun in the way a terrible slasher flick that tried to be serious can be fun.
Echoes is fun in the same way a ten minute amateur horror short on YouTube is fun. And that comes with its own set of downsides. Surprisingly, I don't count G% as being one of them.
I liked the intro. Abby, Dew, and Hue are believable kids, and I can imagine them being friends. Shitty, shitty friends. Them teasing each other before daring themselves (and pushing Abby) into going down the spooky gorge felt natural and it got me slowly invested into what they'd find.
To me, the discovery of Cloudsdale is where the first cracks appeared.
This is the lost city of the Pegasus, it should be a bigger reveal, or at the very least have a bigger impact on the three foals. I'm not saying they should have spent half the fic playing archaeologists, but call me crazy if you must, I just feel it would've been neat to see this new generation of ponies show some curiosity for the culture of their forefathers.
After a few paragraphs of back and forth, the trio stumbles upon the Rainbow Factory and go inside.
Oh, sounds in the distance breaking the eerie silence. Good. This is good. Lights acting up, that's always good for setting the mood... And the ghosts are back.
There's a reason I compared this to a YouTube video. This part reminded me of Lights Out way too much.
I suppose there was a need to have the kids hurry and run deeper into the factory, but the inclusion of the spooky shadow was just too much for me. I liked the concept of the many murdered foals coming as an echo of the past as the CWC finally collapsed. I felt it was a nice note to end the story of murder. Them sticking around like a new enemy within the factory seems tacky to me.
Also, I imagine the magic coming back to the world is what kicks off the factory again, but I think it would've been cooler if Huehue would've kept pushing the trio to explore more and more and tried to operate something for himself, only for THAT to reactive the machinery as one of the foals gets hurt and that results in the factory murderising the kids.
Also, Absentia. I don't know what's the deal with her name, but I think that ending was way out of place.
Why have her leave the factory at all? Just have her run deeper into the factory trying to look for a way out, be trapped and try to call for help, only to realise she's gone deeper into the actual machinery and have the phone pick up her screams and the splatter sounds as the call disconnects.
But that's just me trying to rewrite the story in my mind.
Overall, while I didn't hate this entry, I feel there are better Rainbow Factory stories. If anything, I want to like this story. I really do.
But such is life. I look forward to what else this lil' verse has to offer.